When I was going through my trials and tribulations in my late teenage years I began my search. It was a tough time – a time of depression, thoughts of suicide, alcoholism, and other cynical things filled my life.
But, there was faith in me. Rather than blaming God, I searched for Him. Initially, I didn’t search for Him directly. I searched everywhere else but the church, religion, the bible, etc. I read books, watched videos, listened to audiobooks, listened to other’s opinions, etc. I was searching for answers. At the time I didn’t even know what answers I was looking for, I just wanted my pain to go away. I wanted to find out a solution to take away the emotional pain that I held in.
I felt that I read it all and done it all to ease that pain, which it did. Actually, I was finding that everything that I learned empowered me. I felt a sense of power with knowing certain things, and processing that knowledge was very empowering.
It felt that way because what I was learning through reading and such, no one in my biggest of circles knew the information and knowledge that I was learning at the time. My search for answers became a search for knowledge. That search began to gain a lot of momentum as one subject of study led to another, and another. It kept going as if it was a snowball rolling down a hill, it got larger and larger.
The most interesting thing was that I began to form a interconnectedness between the subjects that I studied. I made connections, noticed similarities, and drew conclusions that related things that most people wouldn’t see connected at all. To me, it was like doing those “connect-the-dot” pieces where with every line drawn would make the picture clearer. Yea, it was just like that. I began to see the bigger picture of things.
After a while my pain eased off a bit. It was still there though. I kept my search going. It was until I decided to connect back to my childhood roots and learn more about God that created a full circle of everything that I’ve learned. And I’ll tell you this now, it’s amazing! It’s something I think that Jesus Himself understood.
Before I go into that, let me share with you some of the stuff that I’ve learned along the way. Maybe, perhaps it will help you to see the “bigger picture” as well.
This is my Jewels 4 My Jesus.